The Tools

Owen has a passion for dinosaurs if you didn't know. This has been going on for almost 2 years now. We have read hundreds of dinosaur books and we are now reading all the "adult" dinosaur books. There is some great paleontologist diaries. He really believes he is a paleontologist too, and I guess in a way he is. He spends hours each day digging with his tools. He carries them around in his basket and finds a good excavation site. Then he neatly lays them all out for the dig. His paleontologist name is Nigel (his scientist hero) and sometimes he gets very upset if we don't call him this. In fact, we were at the pool yesterday making friends with another family. They asked Owen his name and he said Nigel. I was laughing pretty hard. We love his passion and respect for his tools. He always makes sure to bring them in and often they spend the night next to his bed. I think we will have to make another trip to Montana, this time to the badlands for some actually dino digs.

Real Mothers Know-Secret #6

Secret #6
A Mother Who Supports Her Children's Strenghts Builds Their Confidence

For Moms:
Know Your Child’s Unique Temperament
Benefit for Kids:
Confidence About Identity & Strengths
It's important to treat our children as individuals and avoid stereotypes or one-size-fits-all solutions. As mothers we need to tune in to understand our child’s uniqueness and help others recognize those positive qualities.
There is a great story in this book about a mother with a very active child. In preschool he had been labeled “hyperactive” by the teacher. His mother wanted to avoid this labeling in the future so she had a great way of saying “Don’t you just love Matt’s spirit?” Pretty soon others noticed his unique strengths too instead of his weaknesses.

Real Mothers Know- Secret #5

Secret #5 A Mother Who Teaches Values Inspires Character
For mothers: Be Intentional
Benefit for kids: Empathy, Strong Character, & Moral Compass

This book has various stories of kids who saw someone in need and wanted to help them. We need to encourage this in kids help them find constructive outlets for their feelings. Some parents are too busy, some might be scared to help a stranger or get involved in others business. It could be anything like collecting stuffed animals for sick kids, or food for homeless. I have known a few girls & boys who grew their hair to donate. Here is an exercise to do.

Step 1. Create a Family Value’s List. Some examples-caring, courteous, dependable, empathy,friendliness, generosity, love, honesty, peaceful, respectful, self-motivation, unselfish…

Step 2. Identify Your Top Three Family Values.

Step 3. Choose One Value to Nurture. Teach, be an example, look for ways to show this value, research the topic, think of all possible solutions, & praise children when they display the value.

Step 4. Repeat the process for as many values as you want.

Real Mothers Know- Secret #4

Secret #4 A Mother Who Is a Good Role Model Gives Her Children an Example Worth Copying
For mother: Be conscious of your example.
Benefit for children: Character, Values, and Love

If your child had only your actions to watch today, what would they learn? Kids learn a lot from our daily example. They tune into what makes us happy, sad, upset, scared, and then they mimic this behavior. They hear and copy how we talk about and treat others. They learn patience or impatience, compassion of indifference, tolerance or prejudices, frugality or materialism. What kind of role model are you in regards to:

*Health- Do you exercise regularly? Eat nutritious food? Have good sleep habits? Do you recognize stress and find ways to relax?
*Character, Integrity, and Moral Choices? - Are you honest & fair?
*Spiritual Values? - Do your children see you pray, or meditate, attend church & or read scriptures?
*Self Control? – like impulsive eating, handling your temper and good language
*Work Habits? – Do you do your best work, meet deadlines, and finish projects
*Service and Charity?- Do you volunteer and practice values of kindness & generosity?
*Etiquette and Civility? – Good manners, sending thank you notes, language
*Prejudices, superstitions, & fears? – Do you have biases or anxietys?
*Relationships? – How do you treat your spouse, friends, family, do you gossip?
*Life outlook? – Are you more positive or negative? Do you look for the good?
*Intellectual & cultural stimulation? – Do you make learning a priority? Do you visit museums, classes, discuss world issues or learn new hobbies?
*Financial Issues? – How are you about savings, budgeting, and appreciating value of money?

Yikes, this is a tough one. I better get crackin.

Real Mothers Know-Secret #3

Secret #3

A Mother Who Listens Shows Her Children They Matter

For Mothers: Pay Attention
Benefit for Kids: A feeling of significance and self acceptance
We need to listen, really listen to our kids. Get at eye level, make eye contact, stop everything else and listen with a full presence. Offer encouragement, acklowledge feelings, and provide assurance. This is also a great reason to have family meetings to talk about concerns and stay in touch with what is going on as they get older.

Real Mothers Know- Secret #2

Secret #2: A Mother Who is Firm & Fair Gives Her Children a Moral Code to Live By.

For mothers: Be consistent and just in your discipline

Benefit for Kids: A sense of responsibility and Inner Direction.

Here is 9 steps for squelching bad behaviors:

1.Establish Your rules

2.Deal with one bad behaviour at a time

3.Calmly connect with your child

4.Clarify your concerns

5.Suggest a Positive alternative

6. Explain consequences

7.Correct and follow thru with consequences

8.Be fair- (offer compromise, choices & joint problem solving)

9.Congratulate good efforts

12 Simple Secrets

My latest parenting book is “12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know” by Michele Borba. It really gets back to basics and concerns for raising happy kids. Want to know the secrets?

Secret 1. A MOTHER WHO LOVES TEACHES WORTH.

For mothers: Be Loving With No Strings Attached
Benefit for kids: Authentic Self Esteem

Is unconditional love like a happy, slobbering puppy glad to see you? Kind of, yes. I think of the love and excitement you give an infant or toddler, or when they do something new like walking for the first time. Our voice is excited, arms are open, eyes lit up just to be near them. We don’t care that their clothes are mismatched, they have a dirty face and diaper and are making a mess with toys everywhere. I should give my kids this attention at every age. They will grow up thinking they are important, that their opinions matter and are respected. They will believe in themselves.